Monday, January 07, 2008

Border Control: Chuck Norris?

If Huckabee wouldn't have won the election prior to this unprecedented endorsement, now there's no question he'll successfully roundhouse kick his way to the White House via Chuck Norris' steel-toed boot. I'm sure the media has hysterically covered this power convergence in the States, but for me here in China, this alliance is fantastically new. Though I hadn't planned on voting for Huckabee, the mere fact that Chuck Norris "tells America how it's gonna be" leaves all of us without a choice. But before we call the campaigning off just yet, here me out...

Possibly, the only way to combat Huckabee's forceful campaign is to immediately unite his opponents with other outdated (yet fiercely motivating) superhumans before Chuck's "third fist" takes any compelling action. Here are my suggestions:

MC Hammer -to add youthful energy and machine-like precision (McCain?)
Mr. T -to master the art of "recouping" (Guliani?)
Darth Vader - bringing fear to a new level (Clinton?)
Those 5 kids whose powers combine to make Captain Planet (Romney?)
Run DMC -help with foreign affairs policy and criminal justice (Obama?)

If they don't work out, we'll need to summon the secretive powers of:

Max Headroom, Tay Zonday, Robert Van Winkle, the Star Wars Kid, Mr. Roboto, Tito Jackson, or any of the Fratelli Brothers from the Goonies will be just fine.

Who would you suggest?


blaine and michelle said...

So I was thinking Kyle, that since you've been exploring career paths lately, I think you should consider writing. I always find your comments on the world very entertaining and enlightening. I'd pay to read the Larsen blog (all biases aside). Just a thought...

Joe & Christie said...

Ahahahaha...I'd forgotten all about Max Headroom.

Triet said...

Since we all know that Chuck Norris IS the real president of the USA, installed after 911 to strike fear into the hearts of evildoers everywhere, and these "elections" are just for show, then I bring you

the awesomest collection of truisms the 'net has ever seen.

Some of my personal favorites:

"Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King ... and got one."

"Humans have 46 chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 198 ... and they're all poisonous."

"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."